Redbird Coaching

Posts Tagged ‘confidence’

Feel younger with this foolproof  r&r plan

Better than Botox, fresher than a facial, surer than surgery – the best way to look younger is to think younger! Here are 10 winning ways to revitalize your thinking and your life.

1. Get moving: factor a 15-minute walk into your normal day for the next two weeks. Walk to the station or go one bus stop further along the route, take the longer journey home from work. After two weeks of short sharp bursts, you will want to be more energetic, so review your exercise quotient and extend it so that you gradually build up to at least half an hour every day or one hour every two days.
2. Love to learn: Find a language school or revive your childhood interest in drawing and find an art class, do whatever you like just so long as you are actively engaged in something that interests you. While you are learning something new, you know you are alive!
3. Get dated: Whether your social life is full or empty, make a date with yourself to enjoy a special treat. Choose a walk through a particularly beautiful piece of countryside, treat yourself to a magnificent meal in your favourite restaurant, take yourself off to the museum or art gallery. Just enjoy your own company and make this a regular event.
4. Dream a little: Use the power of your mind to create the world you want; imagine your life the way you would really love it to be and develop this imagined scenario into a movie that you can play in your head whenever you choose to.  This kind of daydreaming – we coaches call it visualization – is fun, relaxing and hugely positive.
5. Worry less: Ask yourself “what is the worst that could happen?” Finding the answer will liberate you in ways you can only begin to understand. Facing your worst fear and imagining how you would cope – and yes, you definitely would cope, even if the worst did happen – will free you from it.
6. Simplify your style: take a leaf out of the book of the performance artist who wore the same brown dress for a year; make your wardrobe work for you and free up your time. Spend an afternoon throwing out anything from your wardrobe that doesn’t fit, flatter and inspire you. We all wear 20% of our clothes 80% of the time, so there will be plenty of room for manoeuvre.
7. Smile more: Research shows that children smile on average 400 times a day. By the time we have grown into adults our smile score dips down to a sad and sorry 15 times a day. Take charge by consciously smiling at everyone around you; smile when you pay your bus fare and when you collect your newspaper, when you have the car serviced and pick up your dry cleaning. See what a difference it makes to the way people greet you – it will work wonders for your confidence.
8. Try a different persona: If you are usually quiet and thoughtful, try being the talkative one. If you’ve spent your whole life being reserved and shy, just try being outgoing and friendly for one afternoon. See how it feels to be different – you may just find a new personality trait!
9. Let the world revolve around you: Putting too low a value on yourself and your time is guaranteed to encourage other people to undervalue you too. Regularly spend some of your time on yourself, doing exactly what you want to do; be a little selfish, think positive and put your needs first, without guilt or apology. You are, as the advertisers so frequently tell us, worth it!
10. Unclog your social scene: if you always meet up with Bill and Jenny on Friday night for a meal, invite Charlie to join you all on Saturday for brunch instead. If you dress down for dinner, plan a diamonds and caviar night; swap the cinema for an evening at the theatre now and then.

Good luck and happy rejuvenation!

Using assertiveness is a great way of making your communication style open and positive, and it is guaranteed to boost your confidence.

It is a simple, three-step process which is easy to learn. Practise in a straightforward, non-threatening situation; as you become more proficient and comfortable with the process, progress to those face-to-face standoffs that usually leave you feeling angry and upset and see how much better you feel about the conversation – and yourself!

Each step is a negotiation in itself; don’t move from step one until you are completely sure that everyone understands the situation in the same way; stay with step two until you know everyone involved understands your feelings and has had an opportunity to voice their own; and remember you may have to repeat step three until your chosen resolution has been acknowledged.

1)      Listen to what’s being said and make sure you and everyone else involved understands what’s going on in the same way. Someone else may hear the same words you’ve heard, but interpret them differently. Summarise what’s said and clarify: “So you’re saying…” or “Let me get this right…”

2)      Say how you feel. We often assume people realise how we feel; and we’re not used to expressing our feelings.  Letting people know what effect their words and actions have on you increases the level of understanding between you and improves your chances of a good outcome.

3)      Say what you want to happen. While the outcome may be obvious to you, it may not be so obvious to the other person. Be clear and concise about what you want to happen.

Prepare ahead: be clear about what you want to happen. The worst arguments are the ones that go round in circles because neither party says what they actually want. Plan what you need to say to keep the conversation calm while still getting your point across.

Think win-win: true assertiveness creates an environment where everyone involved comes away confident that their rights and feelings have been respected. If your “win” leaves the other person feeling cheated/ hurt/ antagonised/ a loser, next time they’re likely to be much more difficult. Be prepared to really consider the other viewpoint and work towards a mutually acceptable agreement.

Stay calm. Saying something like “I can see you’re angry and I’m sorry about that” doesn’t mean you’re caving in – you’re just acknowledging what’s happening – but it can reassure the other person that you’re aware of their feelings and allows a breathing space.

Choose one or more of these tried and tested boosters and watch your confidence quotient soar!

1. Write yourself a winner’s script
If you go into a challenging situation with a little voice at the back of your mind saying “you KNOW you’re going to mess up; you’re USELESS at this; you ALWAYS get this sort of thing WRONG”, the chances are you will mess up, be useless and get it wrong. You can change this quite simply by writing yourself a winner’s script: it’s worth writing it down once you’ve clarified it for yourself. It might be something like this: “This may be difficult, but I KNOW I CAN COPE. I’ve dealt with this sort of thing before so I KNOW WHAT TO DO. I will be CALM. I will ENJOY turning this into A SUCCESS.” This is a “vanilla” version of a winner’s script, so change it to suit you and your circumstances. The most effective winner’s script is the one you write for yourself. You may need to create a different script for different situations; sometimes you’ll need to repeat it often, other times one or two run-throughs will be enough
2. See yourself successful
This is another version of writing yourself a winner’s script and it works really well for people who prefer to think in pictures, rather than words. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to relax, then start putting together a picture of yourself at your most successful. This might be a memory, or it might be a future projection, but either way, you will want to create the most vivid picture possible. Give your picture bright, clear colours; see the expression on your own face; check out your winner’s posture; give your winning self a superb setting; look at the accessories that you associate with winning – this varies so much from person to person, but might include a fabulous office, a big car, a personal assistant…it’s entirely up to you. Once you’ve created your mind picture, give it a caption: again, it’s up to you, but some suggestions are “The Winner!” “Well done me” “My success story” “Portrait of success”….you will come up with your own ideas, and they will be eminently memorable for you personally. Now practice conjuring up this vision: call it up using the caption you’ve given it, then examine the picture in deep detail, paying special attention to yourself, the winner.

3. Analyse a winner
Think of someone you know who always seems confident and self-assured. Think of that person dealing with your situation. How would they speak? How would they stand? What would they wear? What would they expect to happen? How would they prepare? Once you’ve analysed your winner’s methods, steal them! If they speak slowly and clearly, could you do the same? If they stand tall with good posture, could you do that; will you wear something that is comfortable and appropriate, have a positive expectation, be well prepared? Your particular winner may have different methods that better suit the situation you’re looking at, but the idea is the same, whoever you picture.

4. Remember you’re a winner
This is an incredibly powerful way of using your inner resources to help you through any difficulty. Think back to a time when you felt successful and completely confident: this might be in a work situation, or something related to your life outside work; it could be yesterday, last week, last year or two decades ago. The feeling may have lasted two minutes or two years. It doesn’t really matter when or where it was or how long it lasted, what matters is how you felt. Think back to that feeling; concentrate on the way you felt at that time. Spend a few minutes thinking about it, how you felt, how you carried yourself, how you looked, what you said or did while you felt so confident. Why were you so successful and confident? What had you achieved that gave you that feeling? What were you doing? How did other people respond to you? Really see yourself as you were then, when you felt successful and confident. Get a very clear picture in your mind. Now imagine that successful, confident you dealing with whatever is making you feel anxious or doubtful. How does the confident you look? How does the confident you speak? What does the confident you say?

5. Be kind to yourself
Imagine you are able to clone yourself. Picture a you2 standing right in front of you. Now tell that you2 how great you are; praise your you2’s achievements and efforts; tell your you2 you have faith in them; you believe in your you2 and you know they will succeed. Finally, give your you2 a big hug and concentrate on letting him or her know how much you care about them and believe in them. Some people find this works better for them if they picture themselves as a child; others find they respond better to an adult clone – it’s up to you. Give it a try.

6. Write a new CV
This is a very effective way of stocktaking your own skills and achievements and boosting your self-esteem on confidence. If you can share this with a friend, so much the better – you create your friend’s CV, then swap roles. We tend not to blow our own trumpets, so sometimes it’s useful to have another person describe your strengths! Imagine you are creating a CV to give to an employer from another planet: this employer is not only interested in your working skills and experience, he wants to know everything about you. Make five lists: i. work achievements ii. personal achievements iii. natural abilities iv. challenges I’ve met v. my strong points. Remember to include things you might take for granted, like driving, cooking, managing a household, diy, parenting skills… your friend may add achievements to your list you haven’t even considered. If it helps, compare what you were able to do when you were, say, 16, with what you can do now. You’ll be amazed at how long that list is! Look at your whole life in terms of the things you have achieved and how much you do well, and you’ll start to see how many skills and talents you really have – so give yourself a pat on the back and hold your head high.

It’s not barmy, it’s good sense. You may have dozens of negative internal scripts running in your head right now and talking to yourself is a great way of neutralizing them. They’ve been cobbled together by your subconscious and your survival instinct from warnings like “careful,” “don’t fall”, or “mind, that’s hot.  Don’t believe it? Try thinking about something you’ve always wanted to do but never got round to: what’s stopping you? Listen hard and you’ll hear that negative script, on a loop, saying something like “what? you? no chance!”

Step one / examine the evidence

Give yourself time to start hearing the negative talk; enlist the help of a pal – you listen for hers, she listens for yours. You’ll be surprised by how many things these negative scripts warn you against and stop you from doing. Write them down in a list.

 Step two / now destroy the evidence…

Take each negative script in turn: cross it out – very therapeutic – then write next to it the exact opposite of what it said. So if your internal script said “I’m no runner”, write “I’m a great runner”. At this point you don’t have to believe it, you just have to write it down.

Step three / and start believing

Read your new positive scripts over to yourself and starting with just one, repeat it out loud at least once a day and in your head at least 10 times a day. If you can say it out loud lots of times so much the better. Just keep repeating it and you’ll find you do start to believe it. It works.

For more details on how to banish limiting beliefs
for good, call me on 07986 982 695 or mail
hazel@redbirdcoaching.co.uk

Confidence keynotes

Those negative scripts are part of a whole system of negatives we all have called limiting beliefs: they’re often completely unfounded, based on nothing more than something someone carelessly said to you years ago, perhaps warning you of a potential danger or criticising you to make them feel stronger. They’ve probably never thought about it since then, but your subconscious joined forces with your survival instinct and turned the negative stuff into a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think you’re hopeless at maths, you say it, your internal script repeats it and, surprise, surprise, you go into meltdown if you have to calculate anything more complicated than 1+1! Good to know, then, that you can talk yourself out of these self-fulfilling prophecies, just as your subconscious talked you into them.

Short, sharp emergency measures

1.
Take three x three deep breaths.
You’re nervous, your breathing is probably faster than normal and shallower than normal. You can calm yourself down in a matter of seconds by doing the three by three:
i Think of a clear blue sky. Concentrate on the vivid blue. No clouds, just a clear beautiful blue. Close your eyes if you can. 
ii Take a good deep breath – breathe in through your nose to a count of one-elephant-two-elephant-three-elephant-four-elephant-five, out through your mouth to a count of one-elephant-two-elephant-three-elephant-four-elephant-five. Do this three times.
iii Repeat step two twice more, so you’ve taken nine deep breaths in all, which will take you no longer than two minutes
Notice how much calmer you feel. Take one more deep breath for luck. Lift your chin and smile.

2
Take a time out
If it’s feasible, leave the room, or move away from whatever is making you panic. You can say something simple, like “I need a minute here” or “excuse me, I’d like a breath of air”. If you can’t physically remove yourself, give yourself a mental breather. Say something like “I need to think about this” or “Let’s take this slowly” or “Please don’t  rush me”
Just speaking will bring your panic level down a notch; the fact that you’re taking a measure of control will help too.
Once you’ve bought yourself some time, take three deep breaths, then six more if you can. Now you’re ready to face the music. 
3
Stretch
If you have room, and it’s appropriate:
i Raise your arms up high over your head, reach up a little higher than you think you can. 
ii Step back on one foot then lean forward, feel the stretch down the back of the back leg. Change legs and repeat
ii Put your right arm up, bend at the elbow, then reach as far down your back with your right hand as you can. Push gently with the other hand. Repeat on the other side.
Naturally, you’ll only be able to do these stretches if there’s time and a suitable place. If time’s tight and you can’t find somewhere private, try this:

4
Stand tall
Imagine there is a piece of string attached to the top of your head and someone is pulling on it. Feel your spine elongate, your chin lift and your shoulders drop down. You’ll want to take a breath too, so make it a deep one!

Instant Confidence Boost

Focusing on what’s going on around you rather than what’s happening in your head is a powerful way to change your mindset, and one I highly recommend.
The whole looking outward topic came up at a Power Presentations workshop I was running; it was fascinating to see what a difference focusing inwards or outwards made to the participants.
When they were doing their own presentation – and focusing inwards – they were much more nervous than when, minutes later, they had to give an evaluation of someone else’s presentation because, clearly, they were focusing on something outside themselves. They looked and sounded 100% more relaxed and comfortable when they were evaluating and not just to my practised eye  –  everyone noticed the difference.
It was a valuable lesson in how your mindset has a profound effect on the way you act: my group went away promising to practise their presentations while focusing on their audience rather than on their own performance.

The Golden Room

A perfect place of peace and tranquillity you can visit whenever you like

Visualisation is a truly powerful technique and this guided example is an excellent way of practising it.

When the shark bites, when the bee stings, when you’re feeling sad, simply transport yourself to a beautiful place where everything is exactly as you want it to be.
It’s all in the mind, of course, but this exercise in visualisation is great on two levels: it gets you into the swing of visualisation and, the bonus, it gives you a personal retreat to which you can retire if ever the world becomes just a bit to hard to bear.

There are many variations on this theme – I’ve heard a version that American Indians use, one that’s popular with hypnotherapists, and yet another that was passed on to me by a friend who’d heard it at her church.
This is my own version, and it works fantastically well for me. Give it a try, and if you find you need to add details or change the ambiance, fine – it will work better for you if you have created it for yourself.
Imagine a cube, about 10ftx10ftx10ft. This cube is made up of  bright, golden light which gives off a gentle warmth. This cube is the Golden Room.
Give yourself a minute or so to really picture this room: it’s bounded only by light, and everything you place in it is bathed in beautiful clear rays of energy.
Soft as thistledown
My Golden Room contains a sofa with comfortable cushions that are soft as thistledown; there is a lavender aroma; I can occasionally hear windchimes in the distance, and I often hear the shushing sound of the sea lapping against a sandy beach.
You will choose your own details: your Golden Room may contain only clouds or a simple table and chair; there may be no aroma, or it may be the delicious fragrance of an apple pie cooking in the oven in your mum’s kitchen; your Golden Room may have beautiful pictures or sculptures or loads of books…it’s entirely up to you.
Fill your Golden Room with things that bring you pleasure and comfort. Because this Golden Room is entirely yours, you can have fountains of liquid silver or baby deer, tame tigers or gleaming cars – there’s no limit to what you can have, except that whatever you choose must bring you pleasure and comfort.
Your Golden Room may be minimalist or you might go for Art Deco or Goth or something that only you could describe. Great! Enjoy the experience of creating this light-filled space exactly as you want it to be.
This Golden Room, once you’ve described it clearly and fully to yourself, is where you will go when you need to relax, or take time out, or move away from a stressful situation.
Calm and peace
The bright golden light in your Golden Room will fill you with a feeling of calm and peace; your energy reserves will be topped up by it; aches and pains will be relieved by it; tears that you take to the Golden Room evaporate in the gentle warmth of the light, leaving you feeling refreshed and revived. Sadness seeps away in the Golden Room; anger dissipates and tension simply disappears.
Now see yourself in the Golden Room. Notice how relaxed and calm you are. Notice how happy you feel; acknowledge that while you’re there, nothing troubles you. Realise how clearly you are able to think. Feel how much the light refreshes you, re-energises you and gives you a sense of comfort and security.
Once you have a Golden Room of your own, you can go there whenever you need a boost of energy or confidence, or respite from stress. It’s a great place to go when you’re getting ready to sleep, because you’ll relax straight away. It’s also a great place to go when you feel unhappy or sad, or when your temper’s getting the better of you. If you’re feeling nervous a few seconds in the Golden Room can calm you down; the train journey home can be a little piece of heaven if you concentrate on spending your time in the Golden Room.
You can visit as often as you like and stay as long as you like, and you can add or subtract from what’s inside it. The only thing that’s constant is the bright golden light and beyond that, the only limit is your own imagination.
Enjoy!

The Four Ps of Presentations

1. PREPARE: do your homework on both yourself and your topic
2. PLAN: start with the end in mind. Visualise yourself and your audience having a great time
3. PRODUCE: your speech in its entirety and then as “prompts”
4. PRACTISE: practise, practise and then practise some more

Are you a glossophobe? That is, are you terrified of making presentations? 
A two-hour rehearsal and coaching session with redbird Hazel Walker is just £150. Call 07986-982-695 or email hazel@redbirdcoaching.co.uk

Meanwhile, try these presentation tips:

Before:
Practise. Lots
Know what you’re talking about. Obvious, but you’d be surprised!
Find out about your audience and present accordingly.
Check the resources available. Then double check.
Do whatever you need to do to address your nerves. Find the best solution for you.
Breathe deeply
Try greeting people as they arrive – it helps to be inclusive
Believe your audience wants you to do well: you do badly, they’re uncomfortable.
Be early. Not just punctual – early.

During:
Smile
Always have more material than you think you need.
You know your subject, yes, but check that you know it from the attendees’ viewpoint – how do they need to use the information you’re giving?
Think in 15-minute chunks of time: change pace, ask a question, provide an exercise, use a visual aid, do something different every 15 minutes if you want to keep the audience’s attention.
Use “props” like the whiteboard, flipchart, glass of water, to encourage you to move around.
Most mistakes won’t be noticed; don’t make a meal of them. Apologise if necessary then move on.
NEVER read out your Powerpoint slides. Unless you’re presenting to little children who can’t read.

After:
Always ask for evaluations. And act on them
Do your own review. Change anything that felt less than great.
Think about joining a Toastmasters group to put your presentation style into the superstar league.

Are you a glossophobe? That is, are you terrified of making presentations? 
A two-hour rehearsal and coaching session with redbird Hazel Walker is just £150. Call 07986-982-695 or email hazel@redbirdcoaching.co.uk