There are many ways of developing a time management programme that works for you as an individual; what works for you may not work at all for your best friend or your partner.

One way of finding out what might be a good starting point is to think about a time in the past when you’ve really felt good about the way you managed your time, or when you were particularly efficient. Analyse how you came to be working so efficiently and effectively and see if you can apply the same principles to the task at hand.

You can also work through this simple exercise and then, using the Urgent/Important matrix below, get a clear picture of your time management at the moment, as well as some pointers as to how you can make key changes to the way you work so that you can always use your time to the max.

1. Take an average day, or build a picture of an average day with selections from three or four days, and list every activity you undertake.

2. Allocate each activity into the appropriate box in the Urgent/Important Matrix, below.

3. Now work out how you can put EVERY activity into Box Number 2, the “Not Urgent But Important” box. To begin with, you may think it’s not possible to shoe-horn every activity into that box, but with a little lateral thinking it is definitely doable, and you’ll be amazed at how much more you achieve! 

The Urgent/Important Matrix

If there was a simple equation, such as

will to succeed + determination = motivation

everyone could be totally motivated all the time.

Unfortunately, there is no magic formula because we each have different triggers that launch us into “get going” or “keep going” mode.

However, there are ways of discovering your triggers and hot buttons, so that you can find ways of boosting your motivation whenever you need to.

And once you can do this, you are on your way to becoming dynamic, successful and fulfilled.

All you need is a self-belief and the will to use these three dynamic tools in combination:

1. Visualisation. Spend some time before you start on your course of action imagining the world as it will be when you have completed it. Create a mini-movie in your mind of the way things will look, sound and feel when you’ve achieved your goal and, once you’ve created it, run it in your mind regularly. Your subconscious will become a powerful ally in helping you to achieve your goal because it will pick up on this mini-movie and the new “reality” it creates, and will subtly enhance everything you do that takes you towards this new reality.

2. Self-awareness. Knowing yourself and what your real values in life are will make it simple for you to decide whether what you plan to do aligns with your deep-seated beliefs. For example, if family life is one of your key values, you will much more likely to achieve goals that take this into account. If you were to embark on a course of evening classes to learn a new skill which would help you to achieve your goal, you might find it difficult to keep your motivation for the classes high if it meant that you had to miss out on important family time.

3. Self-confidence. If you feel confident that you can achieve your goal, you give yourself a huge, automatic motivation boost. Conversely, if you have even the tiniest doubt in your mind that you can actually achieve what you set out to do, you may find your enthusiasm flags quickly. You can boost your self-confidence in many ways, one of which is to step outside your comfort zone frequently and reflect on what you’ve done. A great way of checking your confidence as you start working towards a new goal is to assess how easy it is to visualise the world as it will be after you have achieved it. If you find it difficult to create your mini-movie, try adjusting your goal until it becomes easy to “see” what your world will be like once you’ve achieved your (more realistic) goal.

These three simple, powerful tools will help you to stay on course and give you the ability to boost your motivation whenever you need to. Using them will enable you to achieve the success you deserve. Good luck!
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1. Visualise: You may already have a clear goal in mind, in which case, simply visualise how the world will be once you have achieved it. If you want to change your life and are not sure where to start, think about how you would like to live your life: what would a typical day be like in your perfect life? A typical week? Who would be part of your beautiful new life? How would you spend your time? Do not try to rush this. Allow yourself time and space to really think about how you would like your life to be, who will be part of it, where you will be and what you would like to be doing on a regular basis. Visualise your new beautiful life and “see” yourself going through the motions of a normal day; make your internal video as vivid and lifelike as you possibly can. Run through this internal video several times so that you can return to it whenever you like.

2. Align: Now ask yourself what your values are. Sometimes, the hurly burly of our lives can distance us from our own true values but our values drive everything we do, so it’s important to identify and acknowledge them and align our goals accordingly. You may recognise your values in the following list, but you may have many more to add.

honesty         beauty         charity         comfort        health         family         trust         money         art

religion        faith         generosity        security        kindness        power        friends         creativity

3. Select the values that resonate most strongly with you, those that are “must-haves” in your beautiful new life. Run your internal video in your mind again, and just check that your values are implicit in your new beautiful life; if does not fit with the values you have identified, you may need to have a rethink, either about your goals or your new life…or both.

4. Identify: Now you have a clear goal in mind, you must make it SMART, that is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely. If you want to lose weight, for example, saying “I want to lose weight” is not a goal, it is a wish. A SMART goal is “I will lose 2lbs a week for the next six weeks”. Or “I will reduce my calorie intake from 2000 a day to 1500 a day, and factor at least one hour of exercise every other day for the next month”. Losing 2lbs a week for the next six weeks is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely. Cutting calories from 2000 to 1500 is also specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely. “Wanting to lose weight” is not specific, measurable, achievable, realistic or timely.

5. Plan all the activities that you need to undertake to achieve your goal. Give yourself a clear timetable and make sure it is specific, achievable, realistic and timely; you may like to set milestones along the way and give yourself rewards when you reach them. If you are making major changes to your life, you may want to break them down into several goals so that you are not overwhelmed by all the differences. If your goal is SMART your plans will be too.

6. Remind yourself of your goal: good ways of doing this are to tell people around you what you are doing, so that you will be accountable to them; use written reminders in your diary or calendar. If your motivation flags, visualise the world as it will be when you’ve achieved what you want to achieve.

7. Review your success. Once you’ve achieved your goal, think back over all the activities you undertook to achieve it, and congratulate yourself. Keep your success at the front of your mind, because it will help you stay motivated in every new goal you set.
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The Perfect Gift: a 90-minute Confidence Booster
Phone Coaching Session Voucher, £15

Every change is like a pebble dropped into the pool of activity and experience that makes up our lives: it will cause a splash, and then ripples that will emanate outwards for a long time.
Making a dramatic change to our finances, for example, might mean our relationship with our partner has to change too; changing our relationship with our partner may mean we have less time to spend with friends; spending less time with friends might result in more changes in our relationship with our partner… and so on, ad infinitum.
The best changes are those we choose and of those, the most successful and life-enhancing are the changes we want that we express as clearly defined goals with straightforward, time-bound actions plans in place.

Call 07986 982 695 now for a free 20-minute conversation
and to book your first Confidence Coaching session

You may have heard the much-quoted urban myth about Harvard MBA graduates who were asked if they had set clear, written goals and made plans to accomplish them. Three percent had written down their goals and created action plans; 13 percent had goals, but had not written them down; and  84 percent had no goals at all. Ten years later, these graduates were interviewed again. The 13 percent who started out with unwritten goals were earning, on average, about twice as much as the 84 percent who had had no goals.
The three percent who had written down their goals and their plans of action to achieve them were earning, on average, 10 times as much as the other 97 percent put together.
It is a great story but Harvard researchers claim to know nothing of this fabulous study — and let’s face it, they would hardly have forgotten it.
So how to prove that it is worth writing down your goals?
Give it a try. Spend a little time today, now, thinking about one thing you would like to achieve during your lifetime. It may be something amazing and huge like climbing Mount Everest or walking the Great Wall of China; it might equally be something fairly simple and straightforward like losing 20lbs.
Write down your goal and, very important, this, the date by which you will achieve it, in a notebook or diary, somewhere you can refer to it regularly.
Over the next few days, think about how you can achieve it. Do not rush this stage; give yourself plenty of time and space to allow both your conscious and your subconscious mind to get to work on it.
As the ideas come to you, jot them down. Gradually, a plan will begin to emerge and, once you really begin to see the possibilities, you will find your motivation rises steadily.
When you have a complete action plan, review your goal and your deadline to see whether it is still viable.
Then start taking action.
You will have taken control of this change in your life and it will feel wonderful!

Better than Botox, fresher than a facial, surer than surgery – the best way to look younger is to think younger! Here are 10 winning ways to revitalize your thinking and your life.

1. Get moving: factor a 15-minute walk into your normal day for the next two weeks. Walk to the station or go one bus stop further along the route, take the longer journey home from work. After two weeks of short sharp bursts, you will want to be more energetic, so review your exercise quotient and extend it so that you gradually build up to at least half an hour every day or one hour every two days.
2. Love to learn: Find a language school or revive your childhood interest in drawing and find an art class, do whatever you like just so long as you are actively engaged in something that interests you. While you are learning something new, you know you are alive!
3. Get dated: Whether your social life is full or empty, make a date with yourself to enjoy a special treat. Choose a walk through a particularly beautiful piece of countryside, treat yourself to a magnificent meal in your favourite restaurant, take yourself off to the museum or art gallery. Just enjoy your own company and make this a regular event.
4. Dream a little: Use the power of your mind to create the world you want; imagine your life the way you would really love it to be and develop this imagined scenario into a movie that you can play in your head whenever you choose to.  This kind of daydreaming – we coaches call it visualization – is fun, relaxing and hugely positive.
5. Worry less: Ask yourself “what is the worst that could happen?” Finding the answer will liberate you in ways you can only begin to understand. Facing your worst fear and imagining how you would cope – and yes, you definitely would cope, even if the worst did happen – will free you from it.
6. Simplify your style: take a leaf out of the book of the performance artist who wore the same brown dress for a year; make your wardrobe work for you and free up your time. Spend an afternoon throwing out anything from your wardrobe that doesn’t fit, flatter and inspire you. We all wear 20% of our clothes 80% of the time, so there will be plenty of room for manoeuvre.
7. Smile more: Research shows that children smile on average 400 times a day. By the time we have grown into adults our smile score dips down to a sad and sorry 15 times a day. Take charge by consciously smiling at everyone around you; smile when you pay your bus fare and when you collect your newspaper, when you have the car serviced and pick up your dry cleaning. See what a difference it makes to the way people greet you – it will work wonders for your confidence.
8. Try a different persona: If you are usually quiet and thoughtful, try being the talkative one. If you’ve spent your whole life being reserved and shy, just try being outgoing and friendly for one afternoon. See how it feels to be different – you may just find a new personality trait!
9. Let the world revolve around you: Putting too low a value on yourself and your time is guaranteed to encourage other people to undervalue you too. Regularly spend some of your time on yourself, doing exactly what you want to do; be a little selfish, think positive and put your needs first, without guilt or apology. You are, as the advertisers so frequently tell us, worth it!
10. Unclog your social scene: if you always meet up with Bill and Jenny on Friday night for a meal, invite Charlie to join you all on Saturday for brunch instead. If you dress down for dinner, plan a diamonds and caviar night; swap the cinema for an evening at the theatre now and then.

Good luck and happy rejuvenation!

It is a simple, three-step process which is easy to learn. Practise in a straightforward, non-threatening situation; as you become more proficient and comfortable with the process, progress to those face-to-face standoffs that usually leave you feeling angry and upset and see how much better you feel about the conversation – and yourself!

Each step is a negotiation in itself; don’t move from step one until you are completely sure that everyone understands the situation in the same way; stay with step two until you know everyone involved understands your feelings and has had an opportunity to voice their own; and remember you may have to repeat step three until your chosen resolution has been acknowledged.

1)      Listen to what’s being said and make sure you and everyone else involved understands what’s going on in the same way. Someone else may hear the same words you’ve heard, but interpret them differently. Summarise what’s said and clarify: “So you’re saying…” or “Let me get this right…”

2)      Say how you feel. We often assume people realise how we feel; and we’re not used to expressing our feelings.  Letting people know what effect their words and actions have on you increases the level of understanding between you and improves your chances of a good outcome.

3)      Say what you want to happen. While the outcome may be obvious to you, it may not be so obvious to the other person. Be clear and concise about what you want to happen.

Prepare ahead: be clear about what you want to happen. The worst arguments are the ones that go round in circles because neither party says what they actually want. Plan what you need to say to keep the conversation calm while still getting your point across.

Think win-win: true assertiveness creates an environment where everyone involved comes away confident that their rights and feelings have been respected. If your “win” leaves the other person feeling cheated/ hurt/ antagonised/ a loser, next time they’re likely to be much more difficult. Be prepared to really consider the other viewpoint and work towards a mutually acceptable agreement.

Stay calm. Saying something like “I can see you’re angry and I’m sorry about that” doesn’t mean you’re caving in – you’re just acknowledging what’s happening – but it can reassure the other person that you’re aware of their feelings and allows a breathing space.

1. Write yourself a winner’s script
If you go into a challenging situation with a little voice at the back of your mind saying “you KNOW you’re going to mess up; you’re USELESS at this; you ALWAYS get this sort of thing WRONG”, the chances are you will mess up, be useless and get it wrong. You can change this quite simply by writing yourself a winner’s script: it’s worth writing it down once you’ve clarified it for yourself. It might be something like this: “This may be difficult, but I KNOW I CAN COPE. I’ve dealt with this sort of thing before so I KNOW WHAT TO DO. I will be CALM. I will ENJOY turning this into A SUCCESS.” This is a “vanilla” version of a winner’s script, so change it to suit you and your circumstances. The most effective winner’s script is the one you write for yourself. You may need to create a different script for different situations; sometimes you’ll need to repeat it often, other times one or two run-throughs will be enough
2. See yourself successful
This is another version of writing yourself a winner’s script and it works really well for people who prefer to think in pictures, rather than words. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to relax, then start putting together a picture of yourself at your most successful. This might be a memory, or it might be a future projection, but either way, you will want to create the most vivid picture possible. Give your picture bright, clear colours; see the expression on your own face; check out your winner’s posture; give your winning self a superb setting; look at the accessories that you associate with winning – this varies so much from person to person, but might include a fabulous office, a big car, a personal assistant…it’s entirely up to you. Once you’ve created your mind picture, give it a caption: again, it’s up to you, but some suggestions are “The Winner!” “Well done me” “My success story” “Portrait of success”….you will come up with your own ideas, and they will be eminently memorable for you personally. Now practice conjuring up this vision: call it up using the caption you’ve given it, then examine the picture in deep detail, paying special attention to yourself, the winner.

3. Analyse a winner
Think of someone you know who always seems confident and self-assured. Think of that person dealing with your situation. How would they speak? How would they stand? What would they wear? What would they expect to happen? How would they prepare? Once you’ve analysed your winner’s methods, steal them! If they speak slowly and clearly, could you do the same? If they stand tall with good posture, could you do that; will you wear something that is comfortable and appropriate, have a positive expectation, be well prepared? Your particular winner may have different methods that better suit the situation you’re looking at, but the idea is the same, whoever you picture.

4. Remember you’re a winner
This is an incredibly powerful way of using your inner resources to help you through any difficulty. Think back to a time when you felt successful and completely confident: this might be in a work situation, or something related to your life outside work; it could be yesterday, last week, last year or two decades ago. The feeling may have lasted two minutes or two years. It doesn’t really matter when or where it was or how long it lasted, what matters is how you felt. Think back to that feeling; concentrate on the way you felt at that time. Spend a few minutes thinking about it, how you felt, how you carried yourself, how you looked, what you said or did while you felt so confident. Why were you so successful and confident? What had you achieved that gave you that feeling? What were you doing? How did other people respond to you? Really see yourself as you were then, when you felt successful and confident. Get a very clear picture in your mind. Now imagine that successful, confident you dealing with whatever is making you feel anxious or doubtful. How does the confident you look? How does the confident you speak? What does the confident you say?

5. Be kind to yourself
Imagine you are able to clone yourself. Picture a you2 standing right in front of you. Now tell that you2 how great you are; praise your you2’s achievements and efforts; tell your you2 you have faith in them; you believe in your you2 and you know they will succeed. Finally, give your you2 a big hug and concentrate on letting him or her know how much you care about them and believe in them. Some people find this works better for them if they picture themselves as a child; others find they respond better to an adult clone – it’s up to you. Give it a try.

6. Write a new CV
This is a very effective way of stocktaking your own skills and achievements and boosting your self-esteem on confidence. If you can share this with a friend, so much the better – you create your friend’s CV, then swap roles. We tend not to blow our own trumpets, so sometimes it’s useful to have another person describe your strengths! Imagine you are creating a CV to give to an employer from another planet: this employer is not only interested in your working skills and experience, he wants to know everything about you. Make five lists: i. work achievements ii. personal achievements iii. natural abilities iv. challenges I’ve met v. my strong points. Remember to include things you might take for granted, like driving, cooking, managing a household, diy, parenting skills… your friend may add achievements to your list you haven’t even considered. If it helps, compare what you were able to do when you were, say, 16, with what you can do now. You’ll be amazed at how long that list is! Look at your whole life in terms of the things you have achieved and how much you do well, and you’ll start to see how many skills and talents you really have – so give yourself a pat on the back and hold your head high.

Step one / examine the evidence

Give yourself time to start hearing the negative talk; enlist the help of a pal – you listen for hers, she listens for yours. You’ll be surprised by how many things these negative scripts warn you against and stop you from doing. Write them down in a list.

 Step two / now destroy the evidence…

Take each negative script in turn: cross it out – very therapeutic – then write next to it the exact opposite of what it said. So if your internal script said “I’m no runner”, write “I’m a great runner”. At this point you don’t have to believe it, you just have to write it down.

Step three / and start believing

Read your new positive scripts over to yourself and starting with just one, repeat it out loud at least once a day and in your head at least 10 times a day. If you can say it out loud lots of times so much the better. Just keep repeating it and you’ll find you do start to believe it. It works.

For more details on how to banish limiting beliefs
for good, call me on 07986 982 695 or mail
hazel@redbirdcoaching.co.uk

Confidence keynotes

Those negative scripts are part of a whole system of negatives we all have called limiting beliefs: they’re often completely unfounded, based on nothing more than something someone carelessly said to you years ago, perhaps warning you of a potential danger or criticising you to make them feel stronger. They’ve probably never thought about it since then, but your subconscious joined forces with your survival instinct and turned the negative stuff into a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think you’re hopeless at maths, you say it, your internal script repeats it and, surprise, surprise, you go into meltdown if you have to calculate anything more complicated than 1+1! Good to know, then, that you can talk yourself out of these self-fulfilling prophecies, just as your subconscious talked you into them.

1.
Take three x three deep breaths.
You’re nervous, your breathing is probably faster than normal and shallower than normal. You can calm yourself down in a matter of seconds by doing the three by three:
i Think of a clear blue sky. Concentrate on the vivid blue. No clouds, just a clear beautiful blue. Close your eyes if you can. 
ii Take a good deep breath – breathe in through your nose to a count of one-elephant-two-elephant-three-elephant-four-elephant-five, out through your mouth to a count of one-elephant-two-elephant-three-elephant-four-elephant-five. Do this three times.
iii Repeat step two twice more, so you’ve taken nine deep breaths in all, which will take you no longer than two minutes
Notice how much calmer you feel. Take one more deep breath for luck. Lift your chin and smile.

2
Take a time out
If it’s feasible, leave the room, or move away from whatever is making you panic. You can say something simple, like “I need a minute here” or “excuse me, I’d like a breath of air”. If you can’t physically remove yourself, give yourself a mental breather. Say something like “I need to think about this” or “Let’s take this slowly” or “Please don’t  rush me”
Just speaking will bring your panic level down a notch; the fact that you’re taking a measure of control will help too.
Once you’ve bought yourself some time, take three deep breaths, then six more if you can. Now you’re ready to face the music. 
3
Stretch
If you have room, and it’s appropriate:
i Raise your arms up high over your head, reach up a little higher than you think you can. 
ii Step back on one foot then lean forward, feel the stretch down the back of the back leg. Change legs and repeat
ii Put your right arm up, bend at the elbow, then reach as far down your back with your right hand as you can. Push gently with the other hand. Repeat on the other side.
Naturally, you’ll only be able to do these stretches if there’s time and a suitable place. If time’s tight and you can’t find somewhere private, try this:

4
Stand tall
Imagine there is a piece of string attached to the top of your head and someone is pulling on it. Feel your spine elongate, your chin lift and your shoulders drop down. You’ll want to take a breath too, so make it a deep one!

Focusing on what’s going on around you rather than what’s happening in your head is a powerful way to change your mindset, and one I highly recommend.
The whole looking outward topic came up at a Power Presentations workshop I was running; it was fascinating to see what a difference focusing inwards or outwards made to the participants.
When they were doing their own presentation – and focusing inwards – they were much more nervous than when, minutes later, they had to give an evaluation of someone else’s presentation because, clearly, they were focusing on something outside themselves. They looked and sounded 100% more relaxed and comfortable when they were evaluating and not just to my practised eye  –  everyone noticed the difference.
It was a valuable lesson in how your mindset has a profound effect on the way you act: my group went away promising to practise their presentations while focusing on their audience rather than on their own performance.