Model yourself confident
If you want to build your confidence, why not try some modelling? Not the sort of modelling that stick-thin beauties on a catwalk do, but copying or imitating someone’s style. Modelling is a marvellous way to fake it till you make it and, even when you have built up your confidence to a really high level, you may still find that modelling your behaviour on someone else’s can be great way of developing new confident moves and gestures.
It’s powerful on several levels. First and most obviously, if you look confident – even if you don’t feel it – people around you will assume you are confident and will respond to you accordingly. This will steadily build on your confidence over time.
And secondly, your confident posture and gestures will have an effect on your own subconscious. Interestingly, your subconscious finds it almost impossible to tell the difference between fact and fiction. If, for example, you give your subconscious regular signals in the form of drooping posture, dreary gestures and negative conversations, that you feel fed up, well, your subconscious will obligingly direct every cell in your body to create the perfect environment in which to be completely downhearted. Actors who play demanding roles often say it can be difficult to get out of character once the play is over; that’s because their subconscious has responded to the “reality” they created while they were in their role.
Equally, if you send lots of signals to your subconscious to say you are confident, your subconscious will jump right on the bandwagon and direct every part of you to be completely comfortable in your own skin, cool, calm and collected.
Sometimes, people who have little or no self-confidence feel awkward when they suddenly put on the mantle of confidence; it’s a foreign country and they feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. So I suggest trying it out for the first few times in a non-threatening environment, perhaps with one or two close friends. Don’t make a big deal of it, don’t announce it or make excuses, just do it and notice the effect it has; I’m prepared to bet you’ll get nothing but positive responses. So the next time you try it will be easier, and the time after that easier still, until it’s virtually second nature to you to slip into your confident skin.
Work through the simple exercise below and then think about when you can slip into your confident mode for a non-threatening rehearsal.
Here’s how start your modelling career
First: Identify someone whose confidence you admire. It might be someone you work with, a friend, a character in a movie, or even someone you’ve seen doing well in a similar situation to the one you face.
Next: Get a really clear picture in your mind of this person in action, so clear that you can see what it is about them that makes them look and seem so confident. There will be certain aspects that you’ll need to clearly identify, things that are common to every who is confident. Things like:
• their posture – they’ll be standing tall and relaxed
• the way they speak – slowly, with plenty of pauses and a firm tone
• their manner – cool calm and collected
• their facial expressions – relaxed and rady to smile.
Now see yourself behaving just the same way as them; see yourself “being” them in a situation where their confidence will be needed. Practise, in a non-threatening environment, behaving the way your role model behaves; get used to getting under their skin and using their confident gestures, language and posture.
Finally: Adopt your role model’s characteristics when you’re in the hot seat. Remind yourself how your role model reacts and responds, and act accordingly. It’s amazing how well this works: no-one but you will know you’re all of a-quiver inside and the more you practise, the less you’ll quiver!
And if you feel guilty about copying, remember imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.